POOP – Say No to the ‘P’!

Poop!And on the subject of linguistic idiosyncrasies…

Where did the word POOP come from? Who first used it? How did it slide into our language – it wasn’t there when I was a cub. How did there come to be poop games, poop songs, poop machines, Justin Bieber eating his own poop? Did it come from dog-walkers and their poop-scoops? Did Justin invent it himself? What?

A poop is a DECK, for Gods sakes, a deck on a ship. It’s not the ship’s latrine, unless you’re sticking your ass over the side. I’ve stood on the Poop deck of the Golden Hinde and I’m pretty sure I would have noticed. Pooped means fatigued. The Poop is a constellation. Poop is onomatopoeic – Gordon the Big Engine says ‘Poop, poop, poop!’ when he laughs at the smaller engines’ misfortunes. When you go for a pee, you don’t go for a PEEP, do you? Then why the hell has the word POO suddenly grown an additional and entirely unnecessary consonant?

Enough! Enough with the pooping!

Every time you use that extra letter, a bathroom fairy loses its wings. And the poor thing could land anywhere.

Please, think of the fairies. Say no to the ‘P’.